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Enought crying.

It’s 4:20 AM. Today has been an eventful day. I woke up , already crying. I’ve been crying for a while now. Yesterday i received a lot of unexpected hate from the Internet world. For the first time i let it get to me. Thank f*ck my best friend texted me and really helped me get throw it. But as i said, today im in tears again. I waited for my parents to leave the house (i just feel really tense when they are home). Went to the store. Bought some beer. If you know me , you know i despise the sun. And then it started beautifully raining. I sat in the balcony , with my beer in my hands and the rain pouring on my face. Suddenly it hit me. All of this time i’ve been so unhappy. I’ve been looking in the wrong places. The biggest reason for my unusual crying habit is the past. Yes. I cry cause my part is all i have. Its the only happyness i know. I dont get why i never considered turning my past , into my future. Who would die , if i texted an old best friend “hey,wanna hang ?”. Nobody. I’ve been frustrated to the point where i want to cut my skin off. Mostly with the people. The morons that surround me. I’ve never met anyone as amazing as my friends i had four years ago. Everyday i hate myself for letting them go. Hate myself for it. But they use to never quit on me.
Speaking of not quiting , this girl i’ve had a crush on.. Damn. Shes been driving me crazy. Where so alike and so f*cked up it the head. We dont work , but this huge attraction we have… Its unexplainable. Today she broke up with her girlfriend. Cause her girlfriend was talking crap about me and she started defending me and said that she cares about me a lot and so they broke it off. I had a second of a happy dance in my room.
Im tired of crying and living in silence. It’s time to stop being afraid. Stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. So what if it does ? Life is wrong. But at least you know you tried…

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